History Reviews Itself.

What’s up douchebags? Your cholesterol? Man, that line is so old and cheesy and you stole it from an even worse film. For shame, imaginary person, for shame!

Yesterday, I had a fairly old school hangout with Second Base and got a hold of their new effort “Manifesto” and also The Rocket’s cd. I had been meaning to get their new cd somehow, but since I no longer support (read: buy) music, those chances were slim. Of course, it does help as an incentive that the band in question plasters the most unflattering picture of yours truly they can find all over their cd and promo. It kind of obliges one to get a hold of a copy, if only to prevent one more horrific photo of you to reach the outside world.

When I finally had a few seconds to myself and the alcohol of days past lingered away from my hearing, I put on the tracks as fast as I could. It was time to be surprised or ultimately disappointed. And the verdict is… a mystery. Why? Well, because it made me think back to a time where I wrote reviews for albums, concerts and such. And I remember those days well. It made me yearn to do so once more, if only to finally be able to view an analysis that doesn’t make me cry. Truly, reviews of late have been so amateur it made me feel ashamed that I did better when I was 18 and had no writing experience at all. So, if you write reviews, there's about a 90% chance I've read them, despised it and laughed out of secret shame. It's not that they're bad per se; it's just that most are bland and lazy. Adding nothing, absolutely nothing I wouldn’t discover myself by just checking out one or 2 random songs on a band's Myspace. But then the other side of those days kicked in: All the bullpoo “politics” that goes along with writing reviews for bands.

What bands say when they hand you a cd for review is this: “Yes, please review our cd. We don’t mind if it’s bad or not, we just want an honest opinion of our music. Anything you’d like to say, please say it. We’re really looking forward to it” That, my, errm, friends, is what I’d like to call “bandspeak”. You’ll notice once you talk to any band. They are either the biggest saints ever created on the planet, or complete asshats that are so far up their own arse, they can smell their aorta. The truth is most bands are somewhere in between that and more sided on the latter expression than the first. So the above paraphrasing actually means this: “You, worthless promo-person. Here’s our divine gift we grace your meaningless existence with. Write the most flattering, brown-nosing, arse-licking statement you can about it, now! If you don’t, we will spread ill word over you and everything you do so fast and so vast, people will associate your name with the next disease comparable to AIDS. Shove your honesty. If this review comes up with anything less than a perfect score, we will come by your house and brutally beat you.”  I’ll be right on that, good sirs! Yessum, I just loves me some writing, I does.

So, I have decided not to review any recent music I acquired yet, since most of it comes from people I know. Instead, I’ll write one for an album I already know is good and thus can’t really upset any frail, frail hearts with.  Here goes: More Than Life - "Brave Enough To Fail"

More Than Life from Whereeverthefuck, England is a band that sprung out of a somewhat recent trend in the hardcore landscape, being melodic hardcore. Think of it like Emo for people who are too lazy and cool to play dress up and wear make-up. Whether or not they are pioneers or are just riding some hype coattail doesn’t matter, More Than Life is a powerhouse in its genre that is overturning some hardcore standards. The fact alone that they’re from the UK makes people all wet in the pants. Because for some reason, being born in a specific area in the world makes you better at some things than others. Right then. Nevertheless, their music doesn’t make me gag, like the plethora of generic crap that spews out of this fine world every week. Also, they have a defined sound of their own and go even further than that by influencing cheap knockoffs of them. Imitation is the sincerest of flattery and all that. So, kudos goes to you More Than Life. Now, on to your debut EP “Brave Enough To Fail”.

Easing us into their works, “Aperture” is an instrumental interlude that melodic hardcore bands like to do. Only to prove their worth as musicians, I’m sure. I personally hate that with a vengeance. If it’s just a prologue to the upcoming song(s), then paste it to said song and don’t give us this bull. Luckily, apart from being unnecessary, the song does what it’s supposed to well. It sets the mood, gives us a flavor of what to expect and is very enjoyable to listen to. And for once, it’s not an actual song cut in half, but finishes differently than the next song begins.

The time for pleasantries has now passed as we set in “Faceless Name”. It is now time to dance, time to scream and time to feel. From this point on the goosebumps you felt coming up in the first song will grace you like you were some sort of cheese grater and won’t leave you anymore. From the first riffs on you’ll feel it. And once the singer makes his presence known, all hell breaks loose. You’d have to be some sort of sociopathic monster not to feel a shred of what emotion was put into this album. The melodies and lyrics intertwine in such a seamless manner, they start magnifying themselves into an infinite power surge of raw emotion. The only problem is that after such a start, it is hard to not go downhill from there.

Therefore “In Hindsight” tries to switch it up in the beginning and starts off as a lot faster and less melodic song. It’s a nice way to broaden their spectrum and try to impress us once more. However, halfway through, the melodic aspect returns to us, but doesn’t quite catch the vibe as before. It becomes a little too repetitive even towards the end. I feel the outro could have been cut short by at least half a minute. Bad move, since attention spans are short in our internet generation.

Keeping in mind this EP is like 16 minutes long, I push myself back in gear for “Never Ender”. Starting off as a mix of Comeback Kid songs, it breaks around half a minute to push us into that emotion pulse once again. It succeeds in this quite well and the buildup that follows it draws you back in, to blow up into a faster bit with a nice gang vocal. Strangely enough, the melodies take a back seat again and the outro once more seems to go on forever. Yes, you like instrumental bits, we know. I don’t think it necessarily amplifies your mood, rather than just boring us.

Since the title track is next, it’s a little less hard to shift back into gear. If it’s good enough for a title, then it must be the cream of the crop, such is my understanding. Starting off slow, this ironically is the shortest track of the 5. Notice how I don’t count your first thingie as an actual song. As 1 minute is spent as an interlude, I’d imagine they’ll spend the next minute trying to make me orgasm; otherwise this has truly been wasted time. When the song finally does kick in, we get the best vocal work on this EP so far. Even better than the first, the raw emotion of the vocalist comes through so perfectly, you’ll forget there is anything else to this song. But the musicians also try hard to keep up with it, although it again isn’t as melodic as their first songs. You’d wonder if they even are a melodic hardcore band after repeating this process for so long.

Perfect timing on their part, the last song “Fear” starts off as a more peaceful melody, only to blow up in your face seconds later.  They later on do fuse back in more prominent melodies and accompany this with hard hitting breaks. It slows back down for a while to create another emotion build up. And this doesn’t stop until the abrupt ending of the song. Until then you’ll get the better work, like on their first track, where music and lyrics go hand in hand so well, you’ll forget any other indiscretion that might have happened before. The ending happens in such a manner, you’ll be left wanting more and start listening to the first track again right away. It’s a very nice way to hook people into your music, even though I hate cliffhangers.

Overall, “Brave Enough To Fail” is an amazing first effort, if anything. Not only is the music diverse and incredibly talented, but the lyrics and especially the voice are so rich and emotional, it makes the better Emo bands cry out of shame. Well, more so than otherwise, I guess. It might have a few imperfections, like milking the endings a bit, but other than that, this EP sets a standard. It’s a standard for any hardcore band that would like to come off as emotional and melodic and mean it. The fusion of guitars and voice amplify each other to such an extent, this album just radiates a large array of any emotion you’d like to attach to it, but even more so a genuinely, pure honesty. If you like powerful music with a meaning and with a heart, you’ll love this. If you’re a bit on the dim side and you need names to know if you’ll dig something, then sure, I’ll indulge you: Comeback Kid, Bane, Verse, Have Heart and then some Emo bands. Fill those in as you like, you pansy.

Verdict: 9/10

On a completely different note now: If you’d like me to review anything:

If you’d like me to review how horrific your band or any other band is, feel free to email me a link to your garbage. If you’d also like for me to vomit all over your artwork and how depressing your, otherwise completely inaudible, lyrics are, either include those or arrange for a postal package.

Be aware though: Even if we’re buddy buddies and we like the sense of each other’s sweat on our dirty bits, the chance of me praising all sorts of false prophets on your works is slim. In fact, some pieces might be broken down in a fashion you should be accustomed to by now. For the love of said idols, please don’t ask me to do so, if you won’t be completely honest about it yourself. If we really are friends, don’t ask us to be this hypocrite about it. I’d much rather keep my friends by declining a request, than by having you be dishonest about your intentions and ruining our friendship once I fulfill it honestly.

If you are a ten year old girlie at heart and can’t take any criticism, then there is no way this will work out. Also, don’t expect constructive criticism, as that’s not my job. My job is to point out the bad and good, if any of the two apply. I’m not there to counsel you on what I believe would improve your work. If I was, I’d like to get paid for dishing out advice.

That being said, this was just a test and I might never review anything ever again. I’m fickle like that and my priorities change constantly. Awful, I know.

Blow me.