Apocachips and the most awful play on words ever.

I failed to sleep for 6 days straight now, so enter your own witty opening here for once. If you want me to come up with something smart, I suggest you hook me up to a never-ending caffeine pump or force feed me cocaine.

Anyway, it’s been an odd few days, I suppose. I was going to write about it as it happened, but the same rules of exhaustion apply. So, what you read will be extremely fragmented and incomplete. I even doubt most of it will still be very accurate or even correctly processed by my sleep deprived brain. But here goes:

So, yesterday I received an email stating my super awesome DS games have arrived and I should come pick them up from the store. As I almost died last week (literally), due to exhaustion, I wasn’t really chipper about having to go somewhere, but I did anyway. I was planning on returning to the gym that morning, but I started feeling extremely ill again, so I aborted early, before choking on my own vomit again. If you ever want to spend an afternoon doing something different, may I suggest fainting in a gym toilet stall. But I digress. I got up and tried to find some fitting clothes, without passing out. In one fell swoop, I also added my new favorite song, Under My Feet by None More Black, to my music player and headed out.

It will never cease to amaze me how people can look at you with such disdain, no matter how presentable you look. Yes, it’s the piercings; I know, I’m the one wearing them, not you. I have lost all comprehension as to why people try passing off charity and compassion as the social standard when nothing could be further from the truth. People are brought up to hate others and suppress anyone in a fierce global competition for social status.

I was nearing the store though, when someone crossed my path that I knew recognized me.  We’ll get right back on that. First I want to tell you the jolly news that right behind her back; I noticed the store being shut down. It’s always lovely to battle consciousness over effort and having it be for naught upon arrival. Now I’m even fainter and I have no games. But back to the ho...nourable passerby, myes. Apparently, right behind me, she started picking up pace; which I could’ve concluded by her stare being stuck to the floor before she passed me. She looked more and more familiar as we were now both stuck on the same pace leading home. That’s why she chose to cross the street; you know, just in case. But enough about her; my point is, you don’t need to be friendly if you know me. But it’s kind of rude to act like I might rob, rape and kill you in the middle of a busy street in midday. Not that I couldn’t use the money and such; I just don’t like prison all that much.

Giving my middle finger to this day in general, I thought it’d be time for me to be a complete fat pig. So, I passed by the store on my way home and dug in. There I bought an assortment of lovely items. I also decided to catalogue the rare occasion, as it could probably serve as my epitaph later on: “Here lay Daav. He should’ve cut down on the greasy stuff, the fat pig”.

So, after purchasing all these lovely goods, I went home to eat everything all at once. If you’re going to live like a pig, you might as well bear down. Get it? Bear? Yes, I explain my obscure puns; otherwise my subtle genius would be lost on you all. I’m like Kanye West: A mothafuckin lyrical wordsmith, mothafuckin genius, Pardon his French. Maybe he can debate me later about the fact he doesn’t speak French and I shouldn’t start rumors about him. Is any of this getting through? If not, you and I do not share interests; sad.

Several digressions later, I walked home to stumble on more people that recognized and shunned me. At some point people should realize they are awful people, when all their acquaintances shudder in fear when they pass. Someday, I’ll make that realization as well. But I had chips to eat and sorrows to kill by indigestion.

At home, I downloaded some bad tv and start to scarf down, what I’d hope would be an imminent heart attack waiting to happen. It is strange that at these precise times, you’d get interrupted. Not on the 19 hours a day you’re completely isolated from any social contact, oh no! Right at that godforsaken point; that’s when you interrupt people, in the name of social interaction. Here’s a tip: If you were truly social, you’d let me be when I need a minute and come back to me later on, even if you have other friends. It’s called a priority and I apply it well to all my contacts. Perhaps it should be something you need to do as well.

Did I mention I found my first ever fortune cookie that day? Well, I found my first ever fortune cookie that day! At least it’s a little light point at the end of a flame engulfed tunnel. I was expecting it to taste like cardboard though and the fortune to be very snide and sarcastic. On the bringt side, I was only correct on one occasion. The fortune cookie actually tastes yummy, not at all like cardboard. If that were the case, I’d eat cardboard every day! The fortune was a bit more tasteless though. In the sense it stated: “The roots of work might be bitter, but the fruit tastes sweet”.

Yes, a work related fortune is exactly what I need right now. I’ve been summoned to appear in front of the people in charge of my welfare money. And despite my ridiculous amounts of efforts across the years, it’s no surprise I’m still jobless. This will probably not come over well, so I’m fairly screwed on the matter; even with the amounts of evidence I can present. Being depressed for months now, doesn’t help much either. But hey; we should fight and make the most of life and all that stupid bullcrap I don’t agree with. “Awakened to the blood stained face of a world that cannot be changed. Forever reminded of a nightmare that is every passing day.” These words I live by, therefore I have them imprinted in ink on my body.

As I was building up this coronary, I noticed that 300ml of Hot Salsa is actually less than I’d want it to be. And so, halfway through my bag, I was left wanting and my jar empty. Why Hot Salsa? Because I like hot tamale!(10 points for reference) Still determined to kill myself with the power of potato goods, got up once more, now filled with chips energy, and proceeded to saunter down the shop across the street. One overpriced jar of Hot Salsa later, I was back in business; though I fear the exercise of walking might’ve saved my soul.

At long last, I reached the critical point though. With about 20 chips left in the bag, I could not get another bite in, without all the other bites coming back out first. Indigestion had been achieved (Achievement unlocked – 30 points).

To make sure my brain would shut down on itself, I took a look at my right side where there are many a letter stacked, filled with official statements that need my urgent attention. I’m fairly sure some are bound to be overdue, because I can’t remember when these letters weren’t here. There’s a letter from my money-stealing union, my money revoking authority and my useless insurance. Apparently the insurance thing is something of critical importance. In that case, perhaps they should send it in a more important letter. But it doesn’t end here, oh no! You live in a dream world if you think a simple mountain of feces is enough. Feces only come in Himalayan proportions, nothing less.

My landlord has been very evasive about getting down a new contract; probably since he’s selling the house I live in with little warning. I can’t stop him though; it’s his place. But being this is the second time this has happened to me, I can’t say it does much for my general sense of trust and security. I’m not going to have any money in a month though, so I guess that doesn’t really matter, if you look at it that way.

Why do people keep asking me what I will do once that occurs? I have no idea what they expect my response will be, I really don’t. If I don’t have a plan for basic daily routines in life, how do you think my visions of the probable and debatable future are? My hypothesis is, I will wait until my money runs out, which I expect to happen in about a month and a half. After that I will wait to get evicted from this house, if it is still under my contract and still functional. And after that, I suppose curling up and die is the ‘plan’. I wouldn’t know how else the situation can be handled.


There’s a lot I’m not telling you, of course. If it only were this simple, it wouldn’t be much of a conundrum. I might be lowly educated, but that doesn’t render me useless from an intellectual standpoint, just from a technical standpoint. So, let’s try and end this on some random notions:

I started a DailyBooth recently and have enjoyed acting like a tool on it. What else is there to do with my life than acting like a tool? It’s not like I’m useful for anything else. But in general, I’ve talked to a lot of people lately; none of them seeming to share a lot of interests with me. But I guess some attention is better than none; be it ever so slight.

I also finished all my fatty foods today and was still hungry when all was finished. I didn’t get up once more though, as I stated earlier I’m exhausted. I wonder if this has something to do with the near death experience thingie?

Anyways, we’ll conclude here. It’s been a while since a personal post, so consider this way overdue. There will be less personal blogs to follow later, if I can get one project to start. If so, expect more news here. But you can also follow me on a whole rayon of social media to stay updated. Here is everything you need to know:

Twitter
YouTube
Tumblr
Last.fm
Noxa
Netlog
DailyBooth
Pokemon Fan Page - Facebook

And gamesites:

NoobFeed – I’m a staff writer on this one
Gamespot – I’m a mentioned member on this one
ButMob
GiantBomb
All others are usually ghost accounts:
1Up
GameTrailers



There’s more, but they’re not even worth mentioning. But if you have any sites you’d like to know I’m a part of, feel free to ask on any active account.

This isn’t one.

The Non-epic Epic.

It's strange how even short and routine trips can be eventful when you let them.

Today, I had to leave the safety of my cave, I mean room, to go out to job management. It's quite the dull ordeal of people telling you how you could get a hold of a career and all that jazz. Except, after hearing that for so long, it kind of loses its original spark.

Anyway, a numerous things occurred to me on the hour or so I ventured into the open world. That strange, shiny, confusing, open world:

- It takes skanks 18 cars to hitch a ride from a suspicious, black minivan:

While I was waiting for my bus, next to the malodorous, balding man, I was looking to kill some pointless time. I loathe waiting so much; it's in essence the most horrid human pastime ever created. Because, basically, it's standing around actively doing nothing! If that isn't contradictory, then I don't know what is. Whilst engineering this wondrous plan, suddenly a lady person of the female kind appeared out of nowhere on the other side of the street. Now, I'd call her out on her ill demeanor, but that would be rude. But seriously though, she had all symptoms going for her: Clothes so trashy even I felt offended by the gratuity of it. A general slouch and stare that shows her extreme ennui with this wretched existence. And that oh so classy, open mouth, chewing, bubblegum trick that all the upstanding citizens of our nation do. I swear to you, I could nearly smell the STDs from where I was standing.


Then, to no surprise of mine, she starting barely lifting a finger to extend a hitchhiker thumb, only a few feet away from an actual bus stop. This, again, with as much enthusiasm as her general stance on life. It's nice to see people who are so jaded in life at such an age, they've already thrown all morals and values out the door. More casual pussy for us all, as long as you don't mind the presents you get from all previous 'testers'.
It made me remember a show, where they tested how many cars it took for people to get picked up. And in her general case, I expected the first car to make a screeching halt. But in fact, it had seemed I had too much faith in humankind. It took a numerous amounts of cars, driven by nice, single, young men, to eventually have someone stop. By the way, I love the person who fucked with her head by slowing down, only to take a turn into the street left of her. Kudos, sir.

In the end, after 18 cars had passed, a very suspicious Minivan with blinded rear windows took halt. An even more suspicious man opened the door and off she went on her adventure.

This screamed 'date rape' all over, but I'm pretty sure her appearance already kind of considered that within the favor. I'm glad at least someone is getting some today, semi-forced or not. And in the end, you can't really be upset into being pressured to share a venereal disease.


- Kids are the darnedest creatures:

No, really, kids are some of the most cruel and yet honest humans out there. Unburdened by any taught social rules, they say and do pretty much all they feel like, until somebody tells them differently.

After I waited long enough to drown in my own sweat, the bus arrived. I could already see the admiration I'd get from my first impression at the interim station. What with reeking hours of sweat and all.. So, I get on and it's fairly crowded in there, so I can't really manage to get to the back. Before I can even move forward, I get shoved in my sides. And we all love getting shoved in our kidneys, don't we? I look up to swiftly knock out a few teeth out of the culprit, only to see a child address me, even though I have my earphones in.

And here's the deal people: He wanted to know about my piercings. In fact, all the kids of the class rushed on like flies on sh..marmalade to see and ask me about my lip piercings.

I get a LOT of wind for having to metal studs through my lip. People are always going about how bad it's for my appearance and it frightens people and blablabla. Although I always keep telling them that they don't own them, so they can't know and in reality people are always more intrigued than actually scared. Again, I was proven right when random stranger infants swarmed me for questions. Do they hurt? Can you eat with those? Do you sleep with them? I've heard all these questions a million time, but I thought it was endearing these kids were so eager to know and not afraid at all to ask.  Their handlers were a bit fed up with their annoying barrage of inquiries, but I didn't mind. Then some kids grabbed my earphones to listen to what I listening to. I was blasting Remembering Never, as usual, but they seemed to dig it a lot. I should hire these kids to give a wake up call to society. It's sad to see that we only get taught preconceptions and notions about people. Which makes it all that much more sad when someone says he doesn't have any prejudices around tattoo's or piercings. If you didn't sir, you wouldn't have mentioned it and this is undeniable proof.


- Social workers are a gamble on your life:
It was time for me to arrive at my destination. I arrived at the swankiest of places I've ever seen from just an office. I was unsure if this was an interim office or if they were discovering time travel machines there. Anyway, I walk into the largest room I've ever seen in my life and I just stood there. There was no one at any front desk, because that's just how these post-modern kids roll. Sitting at desks for help? What are we, in the '90s?
 After a while I heard heels clicking and a lady asked me to wait while she summoned my appointment. I was asked to sit and wait alone in the huge room. They made me sit in one of those spherical chairs, because again, post-modern and stuff. I took some time to reminisce about how Gaston Lagaffe used to own such a contraption. But it was best if I kept that to myself, as he's not really the poster boy for a motivated worker. He's the poster boy for me though, I'll tell you that!

Right after I got bored to death with novel seating, my counselor summoned me forward. She was..special. I've never seen someone that is this chipper at work. I mean, prozac bender chipper here. I mean, someone could've died right then and there and there would still be a smile on her face so big, that it would make the Chesire cat feel shame. Tim Burton, if you are reading this by the way, stop making movies. You suck. Incidentally, Kevin Smith rules (10 points for reference).

Strangely enough, my counseling took place in the smallest room imaginable, within that fortress. It actually turned out to be quite a relaxing talk. I'm sure thats just her strategy, but even if so, that strategy works for me. Everything I mentioned was received very positively and I pretty much agreed on the same schedule I think she had in mind. This was some awesome counseling skills and I tell you, it doesn't always go that way.

It's really always a gamble if you will do well or not, not because of your own merits, but for the one on the other side of that table. Basically, they control a lot of power over you and if they're good to you, you'll advance and prosper. But for the same reasons, you might get stuck with someone who hasn't your best interests in mind and thus you'll fall way short in the job market and start resenting jobs in general. Whether your life is going up or down is really up to them and their ability to cope. In the past I've had some truly horrific encounters that really made me resent jobs and counseling:  Usually, I'm better than that as to drop names, but ask around. Anyone I've met that has also met her, can't get negative enough about her. In no way shape or form should she be assisting people in such a delicate matter. And I say this as a professional and a graduated social worker. I believe everyone should follow their calling and this obviously isn't hers.

But it also made me wonder why I always anticipate the worst of these events. In truth, this ordeal of counseling has gotten me down for a few weeks already, since I heard the dreaded news. It's just so heartbreaking to go through the same cycle over and over and get forced to shove failure down your throat every single time. But in this case, the pill was at least filled with sugar and coated with chocolate for gentle insertion. It now feels like such a vast amount of wasted time. Although I always loathe a change in my daily rut. I'm just autistic like that. Perhaps I can see towards changing this attitude, but it's much too early to see about that. But it is a welcome start. I'm relieved things turned out to be rather smoothly. Especially since we agreed on helping me in my general checkup case from the government. I'm a downright mess when it comes to organize these things, so I'm glad I won't have to ask the counselors at the VDAB for help. Because they have never helped me with anything on that part. And for that fact, neither has my union, that I pay for. More so even, they've even helped kicking me down a few times and aided me getting suspended, rather than aiding me out of said inspection.
Thanks for agreeing with the inspector that I'm a worthless bum, dude. I though you were my friend here. But it's nice to see you chose your buddy's side.
Dick.